Just Hold Me
by TrueClaradee
Summary: When Clare is going through this tragic time she has only one person to get her through her best friend..Adam Torres.Read it,I think you'll like it even though its terribly sad.Sorry for typos, also this is based a bit off the degrassi RP I do. Reviews?:
1. Chapter 1

The rain hit the window softly and the water droplets ricochet off and I just watched mindlessly I couldn't do anything else because that would involve thinking and thinking would involving remembering and that would involve feeling, none of those things I could cope with right now. Sighing I heard my phone vibrating and the back light on again, I looked over to my dresser where it laid..I knew who it was..it was my best friend Adam, he was probably pissed I haven't called or texted him back in the past two days. The truth, I couldn't because as soon as he heard my voice or got a text back he would know instantly something was wrong.

This was one of those time I was going to build up the courage to put on the best brave face ever known to man. No one could know about this,no one I didn't even want to know about it. I wanted a time machine to go back in time erase this, beg my mom to let me stay home alone, I could see Grandma another time she would understand. Better yet, I want to go back further and tell my younger self what happens and how she should get out now before its too late,before she's blindsided.

"_You're so pretty Clare" his voice was soft and he gave me a really warm smile opening his arms for a hug. I walked steadily across the meadow it was a little wet from the bit of rain we had this morning but Chris had asked to hang out again and I wasn't opposed it was better then being in the house all day. Adam did tell me to get out and have a bit of a life over there and so that's what I was doing, having a life and hanging with old family friends._

"_Thank you" I smiled back and went into his arms for the hug giving him a light squeeze. I pulled away but he held on for a second longer before letting me go. At the time I thought nothing of it, just a little bit longer of a hug, it made sense we didn't see each other very often._

"_You're welcome. So fill me in on what's new with Clumsy Clare" he smiled again sitting on a log he brushed off the seat and patted the spot next to him for me to sit. I sat down and smiled at him shrugging my shoulders before answering._

"_Besides my general awkwardness and school work, the only really good things in my life are my best friend Adam and my boyfriend Elijah, or Eli he prefers I introduce him to other people as Eli" I laughed softly, Elijah is only for you and a few select people Clare,otherwise its Eli. I could hear his voice saying that now and it put a smile on my face,god I missed him._

"_Yeah, well I can tell by the smile that's true. He's treating you right I'm assuming" he smirked "Cause if he isn't I can take care of him for you" he bumped his fist into his open palm and I just shook my head laughing at him._

"_There will be no need for that, he treats me well. I'm lucky to have him " I smiled "Oh and Adam too"I added. I could hear him now too, excuse me Clare bear but Elijahpop isn't the only important one and you said I come first. Then he'd pout and I'd go hug him until he forgave me for the error in my judgment. God, I missed him too wasn't it time to go home yet?_

"_Glad you found people to care about it with your parents and all ,that way you aren't alone, but you can always call me Clare" he smiled again and I bit my lip nodding I had been trying not think about their split, it hurt too much. _

"_Oh and Clare if you ask me they are the lucky ones,not you" he nudged me gently and I looked up and smiled._

"_Thank you" I said again once again thinking noting of it, it was an innocent comment he was trying to cheer me up is what I told myself._

_After talking for hours and laughing about everything it was starting to get dark and Chris looked at me with the smile he had given me when I first got there to meet with him. He moved closer and I scooted back, he grabbed my hand and I tried to pull it away but he jerked me forward crashing his lip onto mine. I struggled against him what was he doing? I just told him a few hours ago about Eli and how much I really loved him, how he was it for me. I kept shoving but it was like harder I fought the more determined he was and he was too strong I couldn't get him off. His hand were all over me and I felt like I was going to die if he didn't stop kissing me to let me breathe . He pulled away for a second but keeping me pinned back I was about to say something but the words were gone, I couldn't find my voice the time I needed it most. I knew what was going to happen next but I wanted this to be a dream, I wanted to wake up and find Eli holding me or Adam telling me it was a stupid dream but it wasn't. And when he was kissing my neck he uttered those disgusting words again and my life as I knew it was over._

"_Like I said, you're so pretty Clare" _

The door of my room slammed open and I jolted up looking at the figure in the doorway. I wanted to scream my first thought was it was Chris but when I actually looked it was Adam. I sighed half relieved until he came to where I could see him, he looked livid and hurt and like I had done the worst thing I could ever do to him, leave him.

"Clare..explain now" he demanded his hands gripped the frame of my bed as he looked at me shaking his head. I couldn't explain I didn't even want to look up, I just wanted to be alone or go back in time. I wanted it to not be true...to be somewhere else or someone else,anything. So I said nothing and Adams face grew from anger to honestly just hurt.

"What did I do Clare..?" his voice was a little shaky and I wanted to badly to say something but once again my voice was lost. If I opened my mouth I was afraid everything would fall apart so I just shook my head at him to let him know that way. There was a slight relief and then a small smirk that spread across his face.

"If this is over a stupid fight with Elijah..I'll kill you and then him" he let out a small chuckle and looked at me. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and let the tears fall they were stinging my eyes so bad to come out, I couldn't hold them in anymore one by one they fell until it was a decent flow of tears. I felt two arms suddenly wrap around me and hold me tight not even asking what was wrong,no jokes, just holding and the soft shushing sound as he tried to get me to stop crying.

"Clare..sh..whatever it is I'll fix it..shh" was all I kept hearing Adam say over and over the harder I cried the more he said it. I could hear the tone in his voice was sounding more and more worried. I knew he wanted to know why but he wasn't pressing for answer, which was good because I wasn't sure I could ever give him one.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few hours since the whole crying fiasco, Adam still hadn't try to ask I think he got the hint I wasn't ready to talk about it. We watched movies,listened to music, talked about his life but nothing touched about why I was crying just how I liked it for the time being. Now it was four am though and Adam was laying next to me in my bed sound asleep, I turned to face him he looked relieved like I had put him through so much watching me cry like that. I kind of hated myself for it but him being angry with me I couldn't help it, I knew I hurt him by not talking to him but I couldn't talk to anyone and I dreaded facing Eli most what would I say to him? Could I kiss him again? Had I cheated on him in some weird way? All these things plagued my mind, I couldn't sleep but I wanted to so I closed my eyes. It was worth a try.

"_Please..don't" I mumbled underneath him as he touched me, the tears stung my eyes and I wanted out,so badly. He only pulled away for a second to look at me he removed one of his hand to move a piece of my curly hair from my eyes. This is my chance I thought to get away from him I shoved hard breaking free for a second but he growled and slammed me back down hard._

"_Clare I was going to do this nicely..but you just crossed the line" he snarled and I whimpered dammit why was no one walking by. Why wasn't his mother wondering where he was? Oh right because she knew I was responsible and wouldn't let him get into trouble. Dammit someone help me, please anyone walk by, save me, that was all going through my mind over and over as touched me._

_I tried to close my eyes just let him do what he wanted and then I could just pretend nothing happened but every time I closed my eyes he'd slap my face. He knew what I was doing, we grew up together he knew me too well. I hated my self for wearing a dress today but my grandma liked seeing dresses on me, so I wore them whenever I was staying with her. She thought it made me look like a little lady, well this little lady just gave this guy easy access._

"_Stop thinking..and enjoy" he growled in my ear and I glared fighting against him yet again. Enjoy? How was I going to enjoy this, I didn't want this. I wanted to be at home in my bed with Eli holding me and not saying a word just being there. I wanted him to kiss my forehead and tell me how saying I love you never gets old for him, how it still feels the same every time. God if you have all the power, why aren't you helping me now? Why is Chris on top of me ravishing me and making me feel like some whore..My mother told me following and believing in Jesus would bring good thing to my life, tell me how this is a good thing?_

"_Please..Ow..No" I cried as he continued not showing me any mercy,he didn't care how much this hurt me. The more I cried the more it seemed to please him ,set him off if you will and when I stopped crying he'd grab my throat so I'd start up again. He was so vile how could I have not known? It seemed like forever had gone by before he was done. He smirked at me and still keeping my pinned as he spoke and I shuddered hearing his voice._

"_You know you can't tell anyone, they wouldn't believe you and besides I know you have too much pride to admit it happened" He smirked satisfied he knew he was right. Even I did I wasn't going to tell my mother her other daughter had suffered the same fate as her first and I didn't know how things would be with Eli or Adam if I told them, he was right he had me caught._

"_But you know Clare what I said was true you really are so pretty, and the best part" he chortled and looked at me before continuing "Every time you're in bed with Eli now or just in bed at all you'll be thinking of me because I got there first" I closed my eyes and more tears stung my eyes god how I loathed him, wasn't what he just did enough? Did he have to taunt me too?_

_He got off me and adjusted himself and pulled my dress down helping me up. I glared at him with so much hatred he reached over and slapped me. I put my hand to my cheek and more tears fell what the hell did I do now? "Don't look at me like that, you asked for it your a damn tease Clare, you wanted it just as much as I did, I just took the initiative" He grabbed my hand and I tired to pull back but he gripped it tight and examined the ring on my finger,not my purity but my promise ring. The one Eli gave me when I had returned home from Italy. _

"_You know that ring means nothing now Clare, tell me something where was Eli now? Was he here keeping his promise to keep you safe? " And with those words he rolled his eyes at me and walked away._

"_Bastard" was all I could breathe out before collapsing back on the floor to cry._

I felt someone shaking me and tears on my actual face I struggled against who was holding me "No, not again!" I yelled eyes still shut tight and reached forward and slapped who was in front of me still kicking and fighting against their grip. "Beautiful,PFFL, best friend, Clare its a bad dream stop it" I opened my eyes to look and see Adam his cheek was red from where I had slapped him but he was looking at me with such concern. I sat up and touched his cheek "I'm so sorry" I whispered and Adam shook it off.

"Clare, I think its time you tell me" he whispered back and looked at me I sighed shaking my head. How was I going to tell him this? But I knew he was serious this time and I had just slapped him, it was kind of the least I could do. I took a deep breath and I began, I told him everything I could that wouldn't make me want to curl up into a ball and cry. I tried to keep the words simple, the explanation just enough because I knew Adam would make a big deal out of this and I couldn't handle that, maybe it really wasn't a big deal.

When I finished the look in Adams eyes spoke otherwise they weren't angry like before and hurt. They were vengeful the kind of look I only saw Adam give Fitz, but worse they were filled with a pure hatred its like I wasn't even looking at my Adam, my best friend but someone else entirely.

"Hes dead..where does he live Clare..I'll get Eli and we'll kill him" his voice was seething it sounded like acid was dripping from his words. But those last words caught me off guard, Eli? Oh no.

"Adam no! Eli doesn't know.." my eyes filled back up with tears thinking of Eli, my Elijah I could see his emerald eyes now and I thought about him the last time we were here before I left.

_My hand was placed gently on his cheek and our other hand with fingers intertwined. There was nothing being said there didn't need to be we just looked at each other, or laid with our eyes closed. The only sound was our steady breathing, it even seemed to be in sync,like we had our own rhythm. That was how things always were with Eli, we were connected in a way I didn't connect with another person. Everything about him I loved, even when he was pissing me off I actually sort of loved him more. We were both so stubborn we could fight over something stupid and not talk for two days but then when we were together again it was like nothing was ever wrong._

"_I love you Clare" he said in a low whisper and I rested my forehead against his and smiled._

"_I love you too, Elijah" _

"_Never gets old" he chuckled softly._

"Clare Faith Edwards!" Adam yelled and I jumped back looking up at him.

"What do you mean Eli doesn't know? Out of everyone he deserves to know the most" Adam was yelling again and I covered my ears I didn't want to deal with the yelling, this is what I was afraid of.

He moved my hands and held them before speaking again "Clare do you not know what this guy did? He deserves this it isn't something you can just make go away, like I know you want to. He took your innocence Clare..something I know was important to you. How can you sit there and not be wanting the world to go after him?"

My heart was pounding hard against my chest and I just looked at Adam bursting into another set of tears not really knowing what else to do. Didn't he know how hard it was to just tell him? How was I supposed to tell Eli the guy I loved, the one I wanted to be my first when that time came? There wasn't a way to tell him this. I could feel myself trembling in Adam's grip, I jerked my hands away and got up from the bed moving away from him.

"Clare.." was all Adam could say and he looked at me, he knew me too well.

I was too quick for him though and I was already hitting the wall dead on over and over, I could feel my hands bruising and the blood already seeping. I wondered why my mother couldn't hear this but then I remembered she was staying at my aunts, again. I think Adam had become frozen for a moment or time seemed to be going slow because I had hit the wall at least fifteen times before I felt his arms around me and holding my hands in his.

"Clare..Sh..Its okay...Okay we can tell Eli when you are ready..please Clare. You are scaring me so much right now" his voice was cracking again, like it was earlier. I could feel my knees getting weak and I just collapsed back against him and more tears, I couldn't stop them. Why did I tell him? Why was I going through this? Why,Why ,Why?

"I'm sorry..." was all I could say and Adam shook his head. He brought me back over to my bed and got up, walking into the hallway. A few seconds later he came back with the first aid kit, there was only silence as he cleaned my hands and wrapped them. I laid back on the bed and he sat against the headboard behind my rubbing my back gently,it was comforting and it made me want to sleep but I feared it now. I didn't want another dream like the one I just had, I wanted my old dreams back and I knew Adam wanted his old Clare back. Not this screwed up one, not the one that was crying when she should just accept the fact she was now a whore, a harlot something her mother had warned her about becoming. She was sure he wanted the Clare that fixed everything and gave him a hard time about cursing, the one the cleaned his room for him, the one that kept him up talking about what Eli did to frustrate her that day, not this Clare..not this whore.

(Adam)

"I think you should go back to sleep Clare" I spoke softly but when I looked down she was already back asleep. I sighed slightly relieved watching her sleep it seemed much more peaceful this time. She still didn't look like Clare though, even just laying the change in her was evident. She wasn't the Clare I knew and I still loved her, hell I always would she was one of the few people to accept me, for me without any hesitation. I couldn't stand this and I couldn't sleep either, I didn't want another nightmare to form and me not be able to stop it in time.

I kept my hand rubbing her back and I glanced at the clock it was seven am now, the light would've been coming through the windows but out of fear I think Clare had shut the blinds tight to her room, because not a stitch of light was seeping through. My best friend had gone through something so horrible and I felt so helpless, I didn't know what to say to her or how to make this okay. All you can do is be there for her Adam, that's all and help her through this, just like she would do for you. I closed my eyes with a slight yawn and before my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

The buzzing was loud in my ear, it kind of sounded like bee being up close, I groaned opening my eyes and saw Clare's phone ringing. It was the only light in here still, I looked down at her she was still sound asleep, thank god. I reached over and picked up the phone flipping it open, I wanted to get them to go away so I could back to sleep until Clare woke up.

"Hello?" I whispered into the phone.

"Adam?" It was Eli, Crap I should hang up right now or tell him wrong number, Clare was going to be pissed I answered. I'm sure she had been avoiding him like the plague too.

"Uh..." Was all I could get out and waited for him to say something.

"Adam is Clare asleep?" He asked.

"Uh...what time is it?" I asked trying to dodge his questions as much as possible.

"Ten-thirty, why?"

"No reason, Well Eli it was nice talking to you but..." I really had nothing else to say to him.

"Adam, shut up. Why is Clare not talking to me?" He sounded kind of hurt,okay he sounded just as hurt as I did. Except now I was even more hurt but for Clare not because she hated me like I initially thought.

"Because...you smell like fish?" I slapped my hand to my forehead and then looked over at Clare she shifted slightly and I could tell was getting ready to wake up.

"Adam.."

"I have to go, if you want to know so bad just come over or something...talk to her yourself" I spoke too fast to change the words. Oh god Clare was going to kill me but he needed to know and I was doing a really bad job at hiding this, even though normally I could lie to Eli decently but in this situation, I just couldn't.

"I'm doing something now, Morty isn't working right but I'll be there this afternoon..Don't let her go anywhere" he hung up and I held the phone in my hand shaking my head. Oh Clare I hoped I was doing right by you, you need Eli right now too. I know you think you're strong and you can do this on your own or with just me but you can't. I sighed looking back at her once more, where was my best friend? I wanted to see her so badly, see her happy again.


	3. Chapter 3

It was the middle of the afternoon now, we didn't talk much about how I had acted earlier, Adam just checked my hands when we woke up,shaking his head as I winced when he touched them. We had woken up about noon and then I decided to make him lunch, he literally sat there for an hour until I ate half of a sandwich. It was a little bit annoying but I knew why, I had to eat but I just didn't feel like it. I could've laid in the bed all day, in the dark away from everyone and everything. I was okay now with Adam being there, knowing the whole story but he was the only one.

He kept glancing at the door through most of the afternoon and I kept wondering why but when I asked he would just change the subject to something else and I really wasn't in the mood to pry. But I got my answer when the doorbell rang and Adam raced to open it and there he stood. Elijah Goldsworthy, the boy I loved,my other half,my everything and I was frozen there I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't know how I was feeling except shocked that was a good word for it.

Adam gave me a small smiled and nodded "Well, I'm going to let the two of you talk, Clare tell him. I'll be in your room,yeah" he raced up the stairs but I never heard my door, I knew he was in the hall listening to see what I was going to say.

"Whats wrong?" Eli asked pulling my attention back to him. I was still too stunned he was here to really say anything, or cry or even be mad at Adam. I took a shaky breath and had Eli sit down and I sat across from him on the other sofa. My voice stayed pretty even the whole time and I didn't cry telling the story but I stuttered and had to pause now and then to breathe. Eli sat silently looking at his hands and when I was done he looked up for a moment his eyes wide processing everything that I had just said.

"Please say you don't hate me.." I mumbled and kept my own eyes glued to the floor but he said nothing. I heard him take a breath and he pressed his hand to his face, we sat their in silence for what seemed like forever. He got up and looked at me and shook his head and I bit my lip, this was it.

"I'm sorry Clare..I don't know what to say..I have to go" his voice was soft and full of hurt it was almost inaudible. I wanted to stop him but I couldn't once again I was stunned..this is what I was really afraid of, him leaving. This is why not knowing was better..why I shouldn't of said anything.

The door shut and the tears fell from my eyes one by one and my eyes stayed at the floor just letting them roll off my cheeks. I heard Adam coming down the stairs but I didn't look up at him, I didn't want to..how could he do this to me? What happened to when you are ready Clare?

(Adam)

I heard the whole thing and I was proud of Clare for being pretty strong about telling Eli, he was never good when she cried. He wasn't good with a lot of things Clare did she surprised him most of the time and I knew because of the countless times Eli had mentioned it. Clare drove Eli crazy and I kind of laughed when Clare would say the same thing to me about Eli. I was hoping Eli was going to handle this better though, that he'd just I don't know be Eli and know what to do. How to make Clare better because I sure didn't but no, I heard her talk but nothing from him until those words "I'm Sorry Clare..I have to go" I felt like I had just died inside hearing that. How could he say that to her? To his girlfriend? To the girl of his dream, as Eli himself had once put it? The girl that he also said was too good to him? If all that was true he should've been holding her right now and telling her he loved her, that he didn't hate her...anything but when he just did..

When Clare didn't run after Eli like I had almost expected her to, I sat there dumbfounded for a few second until I heard her sobbing then I knew it was time to get up. I wiped the little bit of tears coming from my own eyes, this was so hard. I've been through a lot of things and Clare was there for all of them. She was there when I came out to Grams as Adam, she slaved all day in the kitchen actually cooking the dinner,she had asked my mom to let her. My mom loved Clare and agreed almost instantly because Clare was like the daughter I never could be to my mom. But I remember her taking my hand as we stood at the top of the stairs and she squeezed it really tight and told me she would get me through this, that there wasn't anything she'd leave for, that it'd be fine.

I remember feeling like I was about to puke walking down to meet Grams for the first time But Grams had accepted me right away, saying she always felt like she was meant to have two grandsons. Then at dinner she made her jokes about how Clare should be my girlfriend and I had to tell her she was with Eli, that they were meant to be. She complimented Clare's food and gave adoring looks to me and to Drew and Fiona Drew's girlfriend. When Grams left to go play bingo we all laughed, it was just such a funny thing to say so stereotypical which didn't fit a woman like Grams. Drew gave me a noogie and mom hugged me but then I picked up Clare and twirled her around squeezing her tight, she had come through for me like she promised. Now it was my turn except I felt this was worse because I didn't know how to handle this..and I didn't really know if things were ever going to be fine..

My feet had carried me down the stairs while I had been thinking about that, I guess I hadn't really noticed but then I glanced at Clare her eyes were directed at the floor and she had her hands pressed to her forehead. She knew I was there I could tell by the way she tried so hard to not look up at me,I sighed walking around and pulled her to me. I expected her to crash against me and cry for hours but what she did even shocked me. She shoved me away from her and she got up glaring at me. She grabbed her jacket and walked out the door, I chased after her calling to her but she wouldn't turn to look at me.

"Clare!" I called out breathlessly finding it hard to keep up with her at this point, people walking by probably thought it was some stupid argument but they had no idea their annoying glances were really pissing me the hell off. She turned and I thought finally but she just glared and came towards me, I was about to speak when she just brushed by me and started walking back towards her house.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?" I yelled and caught up with her she was back at her door, she was making me exercise more then I ever planned to in my whole life. Sure it had only been around the block but still more then ever.

She leaned against the door and looked at me her eyes I could usually read but not this time I was nervous about what she was going to say to me but I knew I had to face it. It was a mistake to tell Eli to come over I knew that much..it was wrong of me to make her tell him when she wasn't ready.

"I trusted you.." her voice was barely a whisper when she spoke.

" I know and I'm sorry but I didn't know what to do and I-" I sighed and stopped talking when Clare put her hand up.

"I think you should go, and just leave me alone." her voice was a little louder this time and she was tear stricken again.

"I'll call you in a few hours...I know you are mad but I also know right now you need me..and Eli well..he'll -" I stopped again when she held her hand up once more this time shaking her head.

"I meant permanently.." Her voice squeaked and more tears fell and even some started to swell in my own eyes.

"Clare please..I can't let you do that"

"I wasn't really asking your permission Adam" But something about what she said struck a cord with me. Didn't she understand that I wasn't going to let my best friend just walk out of my life?, what I did was wrong but she needed me. She could pretend all she wanted that she didn't but she did..and I needed her that was how a friendship worked.

She was opening the door and I grabbed her wrist gently she turned and I shook my head at her. Clare looked at me with the same hurt I had looked at her with last night. She tried to pull away but I wasn't letting go of her not now or ever at least not while she was going through this.

"Let me go" She said her voice was annoyed.

"No" I said and she tried to walk inside but I still kept my hand on her wrist. She tired to pull away again and I bit my lip praying to someone out there to make her stop trying to get away from me.

"Go away Adam, I trusted you and you hurt me...he hurt me..he left me" She broke I was getting somewhere now, not where I wanted really. No one wanted to see their best friend like this but she wasn't stone anymore, she was feeling again.

I dragged her inside shutting the door and pulled her close to me holding her her tight. She pushed against me "No, get away from me, I don't want you here" her words hurt but I knew she didn't mean them she was angry with me, with Eli, with everyone I'm sure. "I said let me go" she kept fighting and I held her tighter I didn't want her hitting the walls again or doing anything stupid.

"Please..leave me alone"her voice was weak that time but she was still fighting against my grip. I shook my head and looked her in the eyes they were so lifeless, the blue I used to see with such curiosity and loving and caring nature were just gone. They were faded to a dull blue they looked like they had just lost everything, God I hated this guy more then anything look at what he did.

"I'm trying to help you Clare, you can do whatever you want and say you hate me but I know you don't mean it, I know you need me. So I'm not going anywhere" I finally said but she wasn't giving up she wanted to get away from me but I couldn't let her.

"No, I don't need you. I don't need anyone or anything, I just want you to leave me alone!" she screamed at me it was the first time Clare ever seriously yelled at me even in past arguments her voice was only ever slightly raised. I bit my lip and tried really hard to stop the anger that was heating up inside me, I'd let go of Clare right now and find him, kill him and get Andrew to help me hide the body. But I couldn't do that because Clare needed me right now.

"I don't need you, Let me go Adam" she kept screaming and crying and struggling to get away from me but I held her letting her fidget with all her might, she needed to stop fighting me.

"Clare! Stop it, I love you dammit you are my best friend in the whole wide world and I'm not leaving you, ever." I yelled back at her and her body shook she wasn't expecting me to yell at her and it felt good she needed to hear it, to know I wasn't going anywhere.

Her sobbing got harder and she nearly collapsed to the floor but I caught her she was scaring me so much. I didn't know how to deal with her like this, I knew I had too but I just I needed help and since Eli was no help, I needed someone else. I kissed the top of her head and relaxed my grip around her as she cried so hard. "Sh..I'm going to take care of you Clare, I promise"

It took me a good hour and half to get Clare completely calmed down, she would stop crying for a few minutes and apologize over and over for the things she said. I kept shaking them off and just holding her it was the only thing I could do or felt that helped just letting her get it all out. Now I sat on her bed against the headboard and Clare slept quietly against me.

"Please be okay Clare, I know you're hurting but I love you and Eli does too he is just a dumb ass sometimes" I whispered. I knew I was right before that I needed help at least to get Clare through the night but who could I call? Who is the only other person besides me Clare wouldn't freak out about being here? Who could handle all of this with me? Alli? No she'd freak Clare out more and I'd get really annoyed. Andrew? No he loved Clare like a sister he'd react angry, like I had at first except worse.

Jane? I smiled at that one Jane, she was like a big sister to Clare, Clare even said so herself.

I picked up the phone and searched through my phone for Janie's number and hit the button to call pressing the phone to my ear. When I heard Jane pick up I smiled a little this was good, I knew Jane of all people could help me handle Clare without flipping her out even more, and I knew Clare would calm to Jane's words. I explained everything to Jane that had happened so Clare wouldn't have to relive it a third time. Jane sounded stunned and said she'd be over here in an hour she was going to grocery shop for me and Clare, make us something to eat. I told her where the spare key to the house was just in case Clare was still asleep when she came.

I glanced at the clock it was six and I looked down again to a sleeping Clare, I just watched her for a second and shook my head. She sighed softly in her sleep and that gave me some kind of comfort she was having a good dream,maybe I could nap just for a few minutes all of this was too much, I was so tired.

"_Adam!Come here" Clare smiled at me and I ran over to her excited, there was my Clare. I picked her up and hugged her tight spinning her around once again. She laughed and held on for a second before I placed her back on the ground. What had happened? She was happy again._

_She was staring at something and I looked across the way to see what it was when my eyes caught our tree house. The one me, her,Jane, Andrew & Connor had all built for us. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently "First night in the tree house" she giggled excited and ran pulling me with her. I was running with her happy in one way and the somewhat conscious part of me in this felt pain. This was a dream, we had already had this night and it was awesome._

"_Whats wrong Adam?" dream Clare looked up at me and there they were, those eyes the ones filled with the light in them .I swear I was going to die right there in the dream and outside of the dream, my heart hurt so much right now looking at her. I shrugged my shoulders and gave dream Clare a smile "Nothing Clarey Cakes, I was just admiring the tree house and its just really cool"She seemed to accept that answer and began to hop up the stairs with me._

_She unlocked the door to the tree house I swear it was like our own little apartment. It was two stories and started from the ground up. It was seriously amazing, breathtaking and it had electricity. We were lucky so many people were cool with giving us wood they had laying around and Clare had left over money she never spent in Italy, so we were able to put this together. Connor had done all the electrical work for us and it was just amazing. Clare and Jane had decorated without me because I had been busy and Clare really wanted to get it done. I looked around as dream Adam for the first time and smiled in awe. Clare had a picture collage of us on one of the walls. We had decided on a light blue paint and black trim and there was a mini fridge, comics and books everywhere. It screamed us and I loved it more than anything and upstairs was more stuff and then a bed for one of our many sleepovers we would have in here._

_Dream Clare was so excited she was giggling with delight and showing me everything and loving the reactions she was getting that I was happy with this place. But my heart totally crumbled on the inside when I woke up this Clare would be gone. I pulled her to me and squeezed her so tight and I never wanted to let her go. I wondered if telling her in a dream what happened to her could change the events of the present somehow, I know that sounded crazy but I was grasping at straws here. _

_After a minute dream Clare looked up at me with a strange expression "You are very loving tonight" she smiled and gave me another squeeze and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. If only she knew why, this sweet innocent Clare that loved life right now, I wish I could tell her._

_She pulled away from the hug just a little and looked up at me and I smiled at her "Hey Adam,promise me that no matter what you'll always be my best friend because I meant what I said that I really can't live without you. Its like you said we're the other halves to each other" I smiled and squeezed her tight again, there she was rambling about things I already knew she was so weird sometimes._

"_I've promised countless times but I promise again" I smiled pulling her back to hug me,keeping her close. I wasn't feeling any pain at least not right now, Clare was Clare and I was Adam in this moment dream or not that was the truth. I wanted to hold onto it and never let it slip away but after a second I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and it went dark, My Clare was gone._

I snapped my eyes open to see Jane's hand on my shoulder and she gave me a weak smile and looked down. I looked to see Clare still asleep and Jane sat on the edge of the bed and whispered.

"Dinner is in the oven and hopefully we can get her to eat"

"I hope so, I hate this Jane" I whispered and she frowned wiping some tears from her eyes.

"Me too.. I just I can't even comprehend still. I want to find different ways to kill the guy but I know doing those things aren't the answers. Do you think Clare would do something about it legally?" she asked

"No, its been a few days. I'm assuming all physical evidence is gone..and I know she won't take being badgered on the stand well" I ran my fingers through her hair and sighed looking at her again she looked so broken.

"You're right, Okay we will just have to keep Clare strong through this, shes a fighter" Jane gave me a small smile and gently patted Clares back.

I nodded that much was true, Clare had always been a fighter and really stubborn I just had to get her to be a fighter into not giving up. Jane and I sat there in silence for while both of us just watching Clare sleep before she spoke again.

"I don't want to bring this up in front of Clare, so..Eli..he just left?" She asked a little bit of hostility in her voice as she shook her head.

"Yeah..hes a dumb ass but I don't know..I hope he comes around" I shifted slightly being careful not to wake Clare and looked back at Jane before speaking again.

"For now its just us, I can't worry about Eli being an idiot, This is about Clare"


	4. AUTHORS NOTE IMPORTANT

**Okay so I'm super sorry I haven't updated Temporary Insanity or Just hold hold me but the truth is my mind is a little blocked with the stories right now. I can't grasp a good idea. So if you guys want it faster you can try sending in some suggestions for what you want to see in them and maybe your idea will spark something**

**In the mean time I have Eclare one shots going and my friend Holly gave me an idea to expand this one shot into a story so I thought of one I could expand off of and I found it so that will be up soon. **

**Chapter one of that story is already done I just need a title for the story! But anyway sorry for the delay guys.**

**But send in those ideas if you want to see it faster, I love the feedback from you guys it means so much.**

**Xoxox,**

**Laina**


	5. Another authors not Sorry guys

HI MY LOVELIES,

UGH I am sorry that I haven't been updating things in real life had me really just not in the writing mood but I have decided and I am sorry to say this but to close temporary insanity for the time being. Its hard for me to write it with such a block a when I do write it I want it to be good. So we can all pray and hope I get some to continue. But I have this really amazing idea for a new fic centered around Eli,Clare and Adam and I hope with my whole heart you guys like it. I am excited to write it. As for my other stories, Just hold me and & Tiny little heart beat will get updates asap. Tiny little heart beat for sure but Just Hold Me will go as it comes to me its much harder to write and sometimes I need to stop and breathe as I write that one. Thank you for sticking with me though you guys are the best.

Love Always,

Laina


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